Al Busal: Car Barking Burglars

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disabled

Al Busal posts are 100% fictional, satirical and in no way be taken seriously.

An incident was recorded in a famous shopping mall in the Fahaheel area last night as two locals and their wives fought over a disabled parking spot, causing them both grievous bodily harm and permanent disabilities. A report was filed for two counts, including illegal theft and occupancy of disabled parking and fighting.

The concerned authorities were dispatched over the bloody row and arrived to find both parties had been fighting with sticks, egals, handbags and slippers until passers-by intervened and stopped the fighting by immediately brandishing guns and shooting in the air until the situation was under control. A small boy was injured nearby by a stray bullet but was treated by emergency services and only suffered minor injuries along with no sight in his right eye.

The standoff occurred when one side claimed to have more right to park in the spot due to their significant other being too heavy to walk too much and needed the close spot. The other local denied the claim by the first party stating that it was “impossible” since his wife was for sure heavier because “she just eat dinner”, the argument then escalated to dangerous levels.

Authorities are issuing serious warnings to all citizens that disability parking theft has increased to alarming levels since the beginning of this year and the only-serious offenders will face major penalties that include a stern talk and a possible KD5 fine for locals, while expats will receive a 2 year jail sentence and deportation for this heinous crime.

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Al Busal: Eid’s Slaughter Day Prompts Q8vegans Dismay

Post by Holla

sheepz

SALMIYA 13/9/2016 – A locals group of misguided young men and loose girls with a membership to a questionable Facebook group by the name of “Q8VVIPvegan” took to the streets early this morning to protest what they called the Holocaust of sheeps” during the the first day of the occasion of Eid al Adha.

The so called activists had chosen the highly strategic MCD seafront branch to commence their wild public stunt. The location was carefully chosen to send a strong anti-meat eating message delivered in defiance of the new tasty eid promotion called the McMachboos. Their dastardly aim was to shake the very foundations of our peaceful and loving tradition of systemic mass animal slaughter and consumption.

The group launched their attack using a variety of underhanded tactics to defend their cause such as arming themselves with painfully colourful signs depicting filthy animals such as LOLcats spouting strange subliminal phrases including: “sheepz r my frnd, why can u haz kills it? :( “. The group would also blare out a recording of their campaign slogan “This eid save your floos, don’t buy a sheeps just for machboos” on their iPhones.

Immediately forces were dispatched to protect innocent civilians from the radical group. Following the lengthy standoff that lasted well over 30 minutes. By lunch time the group’s spirits were broken and the volatile situation finally reached its boiling point as it was nearing 1pm, time for midday rest. The incoming sleeplessness was impossible to shake.

The dangerous activists were easily disarmed using a special forces tactic of preparing a heavy meal that induced quick sedation and enabled the forces to control the group. The now weary and defeated youth were apprehended and sent home tired and bloated after strong words from the authorities, bringing shame to their families’ good names and the heavy burden of society’s tainted look towards them.

The threat was contained and peace was once again fully restored thanks to the efforts of the concerned authorities. The law prevailed yet again to the dismay of all the wrong doers that only wish harm upon our proud society.

Post by Holla

Al Busal posts are 100% fictional, satirical and in no way be taken seriously.


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Al Busal: Petrol Pumpers Proceed to Prison

Post by Holla

A whirlwind of audacious petrol theft has been sweeping the country following the recent sharp increase in gas prices. Hundreds of locals and expats have filed complaints citing evidence that gas from their cars has been mysteriously going missing. The victims explained that they would wake up to discover their cars had been tampered with overnight and emptied by an unknown forces.

The authorities have assured citizens that they are hot on the trail of several petrol-pumping gangs that have reared their ugly heads. The gangs would roam around in the cover of night, violently assaulting innocent private cars for the precious petrol contained within. They would then remove the gas using high tech equipment such as specialty hoses and their trained mouths to quickly pump the petrol out into an unmarked red gallon container and transport it to secretlocations in Hasawi. The hidden places are identified only by huge signs labeled “small costs petrol apailable” or “cheap gas, same same old price”.

Immediately a special operations undercover task force was assembled to address the alarming issue. A leading gang, nicknamed the “Bawagene Al Benzene” has already been dismantled thanks to the forces’ efforts. A lone agent assumed the identity of a down-on-his-luck sailor looking for cheap petrol to power his fishing boat. He then bravely infiltrated the heavily guarded top secret location in Hasawi by bribing the haris boy 3KD to enter the warehouse where the petrol was stored. A violent showdown ensued and the criminals tried to flee but were thwarted by backup when their getaway vehicle stopped on the side of the 6th ring road after it ran out of gas.

The top ranked gang leaders were identified as H.S, 28, a Syrian national and his partner in crime A.B, 34, who is a local, while a third suspect was also fingered. The team of 3 operated out of a garage in shuwaikh industrial area and hired local thugs to steal and transport the goods to Jleeb for storage. The 2 arrested have been referred to the concerned authorities for further action but the third suspect’s whereabouts remain unknown.

A statement was issued that this incident must serve as a warning to all evil doers trying to hurt the local economy using what they dubbed as the highly illegal “Robin Hood” scheme. The task force has also turned its sights to target massive international gas- smuggling rings. The ruthless rings operate by exporting cheap gas into the country via thousands of unmarked red gallon containers that do not cause suspicion at all. The forbidden petrol is then distributed to corrupt local delivery companies in need of cheap gas to illegally fuel their pizza and hamburger delivery vehicles.

Finally, a strong warning was issued that anyone seen brandishing a red a gallon, will be apprehended immediately and possibly questioned later if time permits.

Post by Holla

Al Busal posts are 100% fictional, satirical and in no way be taken seriously.


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Al Busal: Selfie Star in Ebola scare

Post by Holla

bony

Famous “Daloo3” the selfie star chimpanzee was apprehended from the Kuwait local zoo on Sunday for resisting arrest after being confronted with the serious offense of allegedly spreading the Ebola virus to 2 innocent local children according to reports from the Ministry of Health.

The investigation began when the 2 victims, who are brothers, were taken to Adan hospital for treatment of water diarrhea and violent vomiting and were put on a Pepsi and Sprite drip to aid in electrolyte absorption and stomach disinfection until their condition stabilized. Once they recovered they indicated to the hospital doctor and staff that they felt the incoming symptoms shortly after their interaction with the infected monkey after they took a selfie with him feeding them for fun as a joke. But, their parents thought that they were just lying as usual to get off school until their condition worsened to near death which prompted them to call the driver to take them to hospital.

Thanks to the valiant efforts of the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of the Interior, further investigation of this mysterious case led to the swift discovery and rapid arrest of the sick criminal monkey who was the local zoo entertainment star and often posed for selfie opportunities with fans. The Egyptian handler M.H was also arrested and referred to the relevant authorities for smuggling the infected monkey from Egypt by sedating it with powerful heroin drugs and hiding it in his underwear while passing through customs undetected. Both the animal culprit and human handler are awaiting trial and sentencing and will be scheduled to be deported back to Egypt after serving their prison stay.

It is now suspected that as many as 10 cases of Ebola that were discovered this past year were all due to this monkey but they were never verified since the source has been unknown or ruled off as foreign in nature of course since Kuwait is usually totally disease free. The zoo is currently closed down for complete animal elimination and for the bony stable renovation expected to debut in Jan 2017.

Post by Holla

Al Busal posts are 100% fictional, satirical and in no way be taken seriously.


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