Man, do you ever wonder whether you’ve become a misanthrope because of the internet or the internet just feeds your misanthropy? Do you ever wonder what ‘misanthrope’ means? (if so, you’re the reason misanthropes exist).
These days I’m so lazy or unwilling to physically see other humans that not only will I not go to a restaurant to eat, I won’t even pick it up to take home. Not only am I unwilling to pick it up, but I’m also unwilling to get out of my car. Not only am I unwilling to get out of my car, but now, I’m also unwilling to speak to another human on the phone. I exaggerate of course, but not much.
And that’s why, the greatest website/app in the entire middle east is Talabat. Oh heavens, what a convenient little bastard you are. Somehow, some tenacious person convinced various restaurants to outsource online ordering to their website. And I’m sure some had reservations about doing it too. Among my circle of friends, we talk about new restaurants on Talabat as though we had actually been there without having to actually be there. So successful was this enterprise that it had been sold for what we in the FU industry call FU-money. Nary a week goes by without some restaurant relenting and joining this Khaleeji monolith. In my eyes, there is no competitor.
Of course, it’s not without its faults. Namely there are some crap restaurants with crap names and crap descriptions of their food (sandwish anyone?). But these are outweighed by the review section, which I frequently read not for actual reviews from people whose opinions are valuable, but rather for the hilarity of their review.
For example, “The food tastes disgusting and is not what the meal is supposed to taste like. Delivery took too long. Small portions. It just was terrible. 3 stars”. THREE STARS!!! AND THE FOOD WAS DISGUSTING BAHAHAHAHAH.
Or my personal favourite (translated), “the delivery was late. The burgers were cold. Totally unpleasant. 5 stars.” Hilarious.
Runner up: Blink.co.kw
The other day, I wanted to buy Batman Arkham Knight, conveniently checked the price online and conveniently bought it from PSN. THREE DAYS LATER the download finished. Very inconvenient. I could have just gone online and bought it from Blink. And replaced my toaster and bought some cups and wax for the car. But I didn’t, instead I had three days of disappointment, untoasted bread and an unwaxed car.
Shoutout to nespresso.com for having a website so slow, you’d think the server is on the bloody moon.
Once you get beyond the first page, I think the website looks ugly and outdated. But, there is no denying that Talabat is the most successful online business in Kuwait and they’ve got KD50,000,000 to prove it.
Runner up: Blink.co.kw
The runner up really should be Xcite.com since their website looks a ton better than Blinks and they have much more products. But, I just find Xcite more intimidating to use and I’ve run into the oddest issues with them. Did you know up until a few weeks ago you couldn’t even browse their website from your phone. If you tried to you would get a message forcing you to download their app. They weren’t recommending you to use their app which is a common practice but instead they completely lock you out from their website if you were browsing from your mobile phone. So stupid. Thankfully after I complained about how ridiculous that was, they now allow you to browse their site from your phone. If you’re wondering why I don’t use their app instead, well I used to but then one day when I wanted to buy something I had to create an account which is fine but they started asking me what my nationality was and if I was married or not. I couldn’t tell if those questions were mandatory or not to answer so I just ended up filling all the fields with dummy information and created a fake account to try it out. Turns out the personal questions were not mandatory to answer, but then I ran into another problem. Once you create an account with their app you can’t log out and create another one. So now I permanently get greeted by the app as “Hello Jdjdjd Jdjdjd”. I should probably delete it and reinstall it but I’m just too lazy to do so.
Blink on the other hand, although the website is ugly as shit is actually easier to use and find stuff plus their prices are mostly cheaper in my experience. I think it’s probably easier to use because when you land at the website they ask you which section you want to browse. So if you click on video games you end up in their video game section with all the product highlights and side bar sections being gaming related. On Xcite you have to dig deep for whatever you want. I generally use Blink for two things mainly, buying iTunes cards or buying video games. They seem to have ridiculously good deals every now and then and even when they don’t their prices generally reflect Hawalli prices (ie cheapest market prices) without having to go to Hawalli myself and get it. Convenient.