Al Busal: Petrol Pumpers Proceed to Prison

Post by Holla

A whirlwind of audacious petrol theft has been sweeping the country following the recent sharp increase in gas prices. Hundreds of locals and expats have filed complaints citing evidence that gas from their cars has been mysteriously going missing. The victims explained that they would wake up to discover their cars had been tampered with overnight and emptied by an unknown forces.

The authorities have assured citizens that they are hot on the trail of several petrol-pumping gangs that have reared their ugly heads. The gangs would roam around in the cover of night, violently assaulting innocent private cars for the precious petrol contained within. They would then remove the gas using high tech equipment such as specialty hoses and their trained mouths to quickly pump the petrol out into an unmarked red gallon container and transport it to secretlocations in Hasawi. The hidden places are identified only by huge signs labeled “small costs petrol apailable” or “cheap gas, same same old price”.

Immediately a special operations undercover task force was assembled to address the alarming issue. A leading gang, nicknamed the “Bawagene Al Benzene” has already been dismantled thanks to the forces’ efforts. A lone agent assumed the identity of a down-on-his-luck sailor looking for cheap petrol to power his fishing boat. He then bravely infiltrated the heavily guarded top secret location in Hasawi by bribing the haris boy 3KD to enter the warehouse where the petrol was stored. A violent showdown ensued and the criminals tried to flee but were thwarted by backup when their getaway vehicle stopped on the side of the 6th ring road after it ran out of gas.

The top ranked gang leaders were identified as H.S, 28, a Syrian national and his partner in crime A.B, 34, who is a local, while a third suspect was also fingered. The team of 3 operated out of a garage in shuwaikh industrial area and hired local thugs to steal and transport the goods to Jleeb for storage. The 2 arrested have been referred to the concerned authorities for further action but the third suspect’s whereabouts remain unknown.

A statement was issued that this incident must serve as a warning to all evil doers trying to hurt the local economy using what they dubbed as the highly illegal “Robin Hood” scheme. The task force has also turned its sights to target massive international gas- smuggling rings. The ruthless rings operate by exporting cheap gas into the country via thousands of unmarked red gallon containers that do not cause suspicion at all. The forbidden petrol is then distributed to corrupt local delivery companies in need of cheap gas to illegally fuel their pizza and hamburger delivery vehicles.

Finally, a strong warning was issued that anyone seen brandishing a red a gallon, will be apprehended immediately and possibly questioned later if time permits.

Post by Holla

Al Busal posts are 100% fictional, satirical and in no way be taken seriously.

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27 comments, add your own...

  1. cajie says:

    Is this really the good ol’ Holla?

  2. mohamad80s says:

    hahahahaha nice one

  3. Moe says:

    I don’t get the humor of this post. Pointless honestly.

  4. Malik says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.. you got me!
    but this post just gave a crazy idea LOL.
    “strong warning was issued that anyone seen brandishing a red a gallon, will be apprehended immediately and possibly questioned later if time permits” got me think if i have one in my trunk.. 😂

  5. Dun says:

    The writing is 100% Arab Times style. A combination of horrific 70’s British Indian English with a dash of 3arabi.

    Suspect got fingered :)

    • Hamad says:

      I really want to know what you guys mean by “Arab Times Style” ._.” Can you refer to some examples if possible?

      And boy the post was pretty funny and I had good laughs out of it. Keep up the good work Mr.Holla.

      • 54321 says:

        Mar 20, 2016
        ARAB TIMES local report:

        “BLIND CAMEL TACKLED: A blind camel was seen wandering on the main road leading to Sulaibiya farms…
        When the Operations Room of Ministry of Interior received information about the blind camel, security men rushed to the location, controlled the camel and returned it to its owner.”

    • Holla says:

      That is the best compliment I can ever have for these so called “professional articles” lmao! Thanks so much, it’s exactly what I was going for :)

    • Yousef says:

      +100! Absolutely Arab Times writing lool

  6. Security Advisor says:

    You had me till “specialty hoses” and “trained mouths” after that I couldn’t read any more owing to the fact that I couldn’t see through the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard :)

  7. Dheeraj says:

    Love the last line ….If time permits :P

  8. Anon says:

    Fuel gang was finally captured coz they ran out of fuel. ……..
    this post is really hilarious

  9. Blabber says:

    nice try on a satirical piece, but…. meh :-p

  10. KS says:

    That unlucky third suspect

  11. Anonymous says:

    Writing a misleading article is plain stupid; it only comes from an idle-minded writer. Other than that, the fictional nature of the post should have been clarified at the beginning.

  12. mocman says:

    using high tech equipment such as specialty hoses and their trained mouths to quickly pump the petrol out

    LOL!! Where did they get the training for their mouths?

  13. UnionJack says:

    Love, love, love the alliteration in the title!! I felt like I was reading an article from The Onion. Looking forward to future Holla compositions. 👍👍

  14. Omar says:

    labeled “small costs petrol apailable” … “Apailable”? That cracked me up!
    anyone seen brandishing a red a gallon… A red A Gallon? Is that Google Translate?

  15. Daniel says:

    Thank you for giving idea to the thieves; now the gas in my vehicle is not safe

  16. Nunya says:

    This is the most Kuwaiti thing I’ve read all week!

  17. Yousef says:

    Those that don’t find the satire humorous in this post only confirm the lack of creative openness in this forsaken fossil-fuel desert. Subscribe to the New Yorker. Get a life.

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