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Kuwait

Help find a girls birth father

I got an email a few days ago from an adopted American girl who recently found out her birth father was a Kuwaiti. She asked me if I could help her try and find him but she doesn’t have much information other than the below:

My birth mother was American and my birth father was Kuwaiti. My birth mother was in Kuwait for about 7 months in 1979, and she had a relationship with a Kuwaiti man and became pregnant. She came back to the US, gave birth and gave me up for adoption.

I have just recently learned that he was from Kuwait. I had met my birth mother about 13 years ago, but she lied to me about the father, so I never knew the truth until now.

I’m looking for some advice on how to locate or figure out who he was.

My mum is now deceased, so I have no way to find out more info from her. And I know nothing about him. All I know is she stayed at the Sheraton Kuwait, had an affair with a man, and came home pregnant.

I’ve learned that if an American got pregnant by a Kuwaiti man, they would have to marry if he wasn’t married. But I think he was married already. In that case, wouldn’t it be true that if anyone found out they’d both be jailed? The story is that she came back from Kuwait abruptly. I’m assuming its because she found out she was pregnant. I don’t even know if the man knew. One story is that he did know, but she told him it wasn’t his. I’ve also been told that he was here at some point. One person said that he is the one who brought her back. She also told the attorney that handled the adoption that the man was in the hotel business.

I don’t think there is much to go by, but I figured I would see if anyone here might have an idea of where to start.

118 replies on “Help find a girls birth father”

Like –

Did she stay in the Sheraton for 7 months? Narrows daddies down a bit.

Any pics?

If her daddy was an American she would at least be eligible for child allowance. Why shouldn’t someone pay for their little secret. This poor girl was put up for adoption because neither of them cared enough or felt it their moral duty.

This is not the first story I’ve heard.

Yes, the birth Mother spent the entire 7 months at the Sheraton. The lady that emailed us doesn’t want to release any pictures yet.

We don’t know why her birth Mother gave her away but to me adoption is a loving gesture. She was only 19 years old when she got pregnant and she could have been threatened for fear the affair would be made public. If she didn’t care she would have terminated the pregnancy.

At least this lady’s story has a happy ending because she was adopted by a loving family and has a wonderful life. She just wants to fill in the blanks. Who could blame her? I know I would.

Yes luckily she was adopted my a loving family but it is very sad that her mother could not provide her with more details to go on. Who knows maybe the father would have liked to have been part of her life.

I was told that she was “put up” by a Kuwaiti man, and was his mistress. She sent home things like gold jewelry during the time she was there, I assume given to her by the man. I have spoken to a couple of people in her family, and they remember her talking about her time there after she came back. I assume the reason she said he was Kuwaiti is because she knew he was – because she spent a significant amount of time with him.

Did you speak to your birth mother’s friend? The one she came with? Was she running some some some sort of international escort service? She might remember something.

That is one of the thoughts I had too. I don’t know if that’s what was going on, or something similar. Because I have been in contact with a family member of the friend she went with, and was advised NOT to contact the friend. So you see why I am trying to figure all this out through other methods.

The inconsistency of an an American utilizing that term suggests the original poster may be right. It’s Cop/Lawyer 101. If the story has inconsistencies, they’re probably lying.

I am the one who this story is about. I never said “mum”. I only refer to this woman as my birth mother. That must have been the way he chose to post it. Believe me when I tell you that I’m just a girl from Louisiana looking for answers.

hmm.. first we need to find out if the sheraton has archives..

find out is her mom really lived there.. find out if they have a log of her guests.. then meet them one by one and enquire.

That would be a tad bit difficult considering the fact that the Iraqi army turned that place inside out.

Great advice. Gosh, there must be quite a few if there’s blogs for them. Why would the girl lie? A DNA can sort the truth out so IMHO she really has no need to lie. Why shouldn’t she know the truth? I wish her well in her endeavours.

DNA would only be relevant if it has another sample to compare it to. Even if she had a name, I doubt the Kuwait authorities would compel the guy to give a sample.

I’m sorry to tell you, but most Americans cannot distinguish between a Kuwaiti, Saudi, Egyptian, Yemeni, Omani, Emirati, Qatari and other Arabs. Americans cannot tell the difference between a Hindu, Muslim and Christian name. And Americans cannot tell the the difference even between Indians and Arabs, at least that’s my experience from working for a while with Americans in the USA. This girl’s mother lived in Kuwait for 7 months only. There could be a possibility that the father lied he was a Kuwaiti? And the mother must have told the hospital Kuwait is where she got pregnant which could be mistaken by the hospital that the father was a Kuwaiti. I doubt she will find answers in her quest. But when her mother was here, she should find out where she worked and get in contact with her workmates and friends. Her friends will reveal the most about her and with whom she slept.

all arabian gulf people look alike

all middle east peopple ” as in lebanese and sryian and so on ” look alike

he might be Kuwaiti Saudi like the other person said

or he might even be pakastani or indian or irani beacuse there is alot of pakastani and indian and irani that looks like kuwaiti people 😛

1979 he might like 70 by now or dead also

and also if they got no acrhives then no info

if no at the hotel, go to the embassy they should have a log the people who came to kuwait at that time and where they lived.

if i was her in the end i’d say screw it no need to waste such time on this AND maybe if he is kuwaiti maybe she wants to be kuwaiti by using him

I doubt it. But I cannot blame them. It is difficult unless you spend a considerable amount of time within the Arab community.

even if u spent all your life with arab communtiy u can still make mistakes been with kuwait and with kuwaiti people for over 13years

and i still mistake a Kuwaiti from a Saudi or any other Arabic gulf 😛 and sometimes i mistake kuwaiti people or saudi as indian and othe other way too

it’s normal.

ofcourse a kuwaiti can till between who is kuwaiti or not

im talking about a kuwaiti telling the difference

im telling on a perspective of a non kuwaiti looking at arabs

From your post being able to identify every Arab just by looking at them just shows your lack of experience with the world.

You can “assume” a person is from a region but thats as close to correct you can get.

It’s really easy to distinguish between Kuwaitis especially the ethnic Persians, Kurds and Baghdadis.. they have last names named after their original home towns and cities like Sherazi, Al Baghdadi, and Behbahani.

”Belushi” family = Balochi ethnic group

Mixed Basrawi-Najdi families are also easy to spot, they’re lighter in features than Badu.

Wish her all the best in her life, and I hope that someone can help her although it is really difficult.

This story is a clear example of how sexual relations outside marriage bonds is bad for the society, and that is why it is forbidden in Islam. I hope everyone stays away from having relations outside legal documentation

How rude. Sexual relations outside marriage are banned in Christianity too.

They’re not ‘bad’ for the society, this story sounds like BS scam for money money money.

Just for your info, sexual relationships outside marriage is forbidden too. The issue is not religious it is more into culture background, so please put religions out of the subject.

Lets look at the facts, he was in the hotel business and she was staying in the Sheraton! As per Kuwaiti laws no Arab can visit a girl in her room (unless he was management or a owner or the son of the owner). In addition not many people can afford to keep someone for 7 months in the Sheraton. We do know who owns Sheraton and which one of his kids has a thing for american women…..so maybe its worth asking the guy!! 😉

Do you mind me asking who you are referring to? And was he there in 1979? Looking for anything that might help, or anyone who was there at the time that will remember her, or remember the situation. Thanks!

I am reluctant to share any photos, as suggested, because frankly – some of the things I’m reading on here are quite scary. Not to mention rude and judgemental. I’m not looking for money, oil or any of the ridiculous things suggested here. I have a great life, and am “well off” enough by my own merits. Thank you to those of you who have offered advise and suggestions.

This is Kuwait, so it is really easy to dig up information about the man until he’s found. Even though you’re saying there isn’t much information available… trust me, knowing that the man was in hotel business is enough information to start naming couple of Kuwaitis.

However, as I said… this is Kuwait. Should she meet her father? She’s American who probably lived all her life in America. As we see in American movies, some people may try to reunite or meet up with their birth parents… but here… it will end up in tragedy. Because of the nature of our culture… the father would want nothing to do with this girl. He would not want to meet her and would not want her to show up in his life. He is probably now an older man with wife and kids… Imagine the magnitude of damage to his family if they found out about such history of their father. Also, the man may be ashamed of his previous life and premarital sexual relationship is not an easy subject, people over here would not hesitate using the term bastard child and they will hurt you in ways you can never imagine.

My advice… if you just want to reunite… I’d suggest consider your father dead and move on. If you want more than that, then expect things that can destroy you emotionally.

Blah blah blah… so what if she’s an American who has lived in America?? Stop belittling Kuwait. Lots of Kuwaiti men have ‘other children’, does that bring shame to society?? ”Because of the nature of our culture” — oh really? Even in America and Europe, married men usually want nothing to do with their bastard kids. Married Kuwaiti men are expected to have secrets like this, it’s too common for the shame you’re talking about.

You can voice your opinion. But sweeping statements like that are hard to take seriously. You are quite sure on how the father does not want to meet her. Are you sure you’re not the father?

People are not black & white. There is a grey area. If this father has is human, which I’m pretty sure he is, he might reunite if given the opportunity to do so discreetly. It’s paternalistic nature.

MT best of luck. Kuwait is tiny. You will find info’ if you keep at it.

I love how the majority reaction to this is awesome post is the close-minded, nationalistic and somewhat fantasy driven – ‘oh she must be lying, he probably wasn’t Kuwaiti’ – wow are you guys so afraid of shame?

And ANYONE who has been here long enough can tell the difference between a Kuwaiti and other arabs. The Kuwaiti is the one ass raping you!

not really it seems you didn’t sit with an a kuwaiti guy who got a indian as a mother 😛

he looked indian and turned out he was kuwaiti

enough said its normal to mistake someone

we are not god

we do mistakes

interesting that yet again you are somehow implying this guy is not Kuwaiti. Anyways none of us know the details – a person would have to be REALLY stupid to have a relationship with someone and not be able to figure out whether they were Kuwaiti or not.

If he doesnt look Kuwaiti, he could sound Kuwaiti… its ridiculous to argue that he wasnt Kuwaiti. but thats okay I expect ridiculousness from you guys!

No one is afraid of ”shame”, lots of Kuwaiti guys sleep around – this sort is sh*t is expected of them but this woman sounds shady.

my heart goes for this girl… she has to provide more clues in order to trace her dad ….
or else she is stuck in the middle of no where

she can post her mother’s photo. Some employee at the Sheraton might recognize her or the Kuwaiti father.

or maybe she can post her own photo and relatives of her father can see the resemblance – hopefully

Good idea might be more helpful than the info the poor girl has now. It’s a very sad story and not one that I haven’t heard before about some abandoned kids. Social stigma doesn’t help their cause any. Heartbreaking that her mother didn’t give her more details. I’m thinking that if she was staying at the Sheraton maybe she was only on a visit, maybe they met in the US and he brought the mother here on a visit..

The post of Mark asked if someone knows where to begin, not post ur opinions, which are mostly negative from what im seeing. Help or Gtfo.

Its a shame that you treat people’s intention in such a negative manner. You immediately think of money or nationality. For crying out loud she might be well off and I doubt she knows anything about her dad’s untold riches or the Kuwaiti system. A person looking for her family is neither a crime nor greed. So stop being so opinionated about everything that is posted and broaden your mind.

Especially her mother’s name. In 1979, Americans could not get a visa at the airport. One would have to have been issued at the Kuwait Embassy or a Consulate. You could then determine who sponsored her, who she worked for etc etc. It would be a reasonable place to start.

Can you tell me more about this? Do you mean that the Embassy would have record of her coming into and out of Kuwait? Do you mean the Kuwaiti Embassy in the US?

It’s worth checking with the Kuwait embassy as a start.. Did you check with a PI (in the US) if he can find out such information?

It’s unlikely you will find records that old in Kuwait because they would’ve been trashed during the invasion.

I’ve emailed someone at the Embassy. Hoping to hear something back soon. There has to be records of her coming into and out of Kuwait, somewhere.

I haven’t thought about checking with a PI. Thanks for the suggestion!

The Embassy probably will not have the immigration records per se, but they may have a record of your mother being issued a visa and who sponsored her. Start with that.

The girl just wants to find her father. Let her be.

Why is it assumed he must be a rich multi-millionaire? For all we know he might even turn out to be an airport taxi driver or a shepherd in Kabd.

One of the things that she does know is that the man paid for her birth Mother to stay at the Sheraton for seven months. She came to Kuwait with another American lady to be with him and not for work. She doesn’t know if he was rich but I’ve never heard of any airport taxi drivers or shepherds paying for their gf to stay at a five star hotel for 7 months in the Middle East.

The girl trying to find her father is a very dear friend of mine. While some of these comments are extremely helpful, gracious and very supportive; I find most rude, cynical and unnecessary. I literally became furious with your feeble attempts at disparagement. Whether you believe her story or not, as someone who knows her personally, she is a warm, loving and kind woman whose only interest is finding out the secrets of her past that have been denied her through no fault of her own. Avarice has NEVER been on her list of reasons why she seeks her biological father.

if you’re so willing to help, why don’t you at least disclose her name, pics, anything to help people here find out.

Because I do not want my name and pictures disclosed at this time. This is a delicate matter and I don’t want my photo and name out there in relation to me searching for info and a person that I know absolutely nothing about. I’m trying to be sensitive to the person, whoever he is, as I’m sure that his family knows nothing about this. I’m not even sure if he himself knows anything about me.

And as some of the readers here have shared, this may cast a negative light onto him and I don’t want to open up a can of worms that’s going to p*ss someone off.

My intentions were to investigate this on my own, and I wrote to the blog asking for advice and info on where to begin looking. The two bloggers asked to post my story, and I agreed hoping it would help. I was hoping that someone, somewhere would remember a red-haired, blue-eyed 19 year old American girl staying at the Sheraton in 1979, and could pass on some information. I feel like someone has to remember her.

DNA TEST!

thats the ONLY way she can find out and be sure who her father was/is.

plus, she could she take it up with the sheraton hotel. I’m sure they have records of people who stayed there.

You were better off without him this long, so let it be. If it’s closure you want, you may either not get it or you will get it with a slap.

Hi MT,

Don’t get discouraged by some of the crude posts here as this is Kuwait. Staying 7 months at Sheraton is a major clue as that is a very very rare thing in Kuwait and although a little difficult, it should not be impossible to find out.

– Check with the Kuwait Embassy in the US for all records
– Contact the US Embassy here in Kuwait for help
– Try contacting the Sheraton hotel which is owned by Al Shaya. They might have some records from that time even if many things were destroyed in the invasion
– If you are comfortable publish your story with names and pictures of your mom from that time or close in the newspaper by contacting them ie Kuwait Times and Arab times as a public interest story. Somebody from that time esp maybe a hotel employee might remember something and can come forward. Its very rare that a person from 1979 could be computer savvy or reading up on blogs like these.

That’s what I can think of and Hope that helps.

Thank you for the suggestions! I emailed the US Embassy in Kuwait, and am waiting for a reply. I will email the Kuwait Embassy in the US as well.

I didn’t think about trying to contact the Sheraton. I just assumed that the records were lost after the Iraqi invasion. But maybe if the same people own it now, they may have some of the same employees there that may remember something.

I am not comfortable posting pictures of her yet, because I am not her only child and would like to make sure it is ok with her other children before doing so. But I am comfortable sharing her name. Her name was Judith Bordelon. She went by Judy. And she was from Louisiana.

The following are fragmented thoughts I had while reading through the post. They aren’t in any particular order, just some thoughts jumbled together – to the extent that I have at points gone back and inserted random sentences into paragraphs.

I understand that a lot of the following may be sensitive: I mean no offense.

Maybe there’s something relevant on your birth certificate. Adoption papers might contain information about your father too.

As for your biological mother, what was her maiden name? or at least the name she went by when she was in Kuwait?

Were you close to your biological mother? She might have photographs of her time in Kuwait. or maybe even letters sent to relatives/someone she knew.

Actually, anything from her time there could be of use. The packaging that the jewelery came in, was it always the same? Did she send anything else?

Why did she send jewelry back to Louisiana? Was she sending them as presents to others? or was she sending them for keeping so that she could take them back later?

Might it be possible that your biological father was paying your biological mother for “services” (of any kind, even those outside of the possible obvious)?

Do you know who, if anyone, in America she might have been in contact with while in Kuwait?

When did your biological mother pass away? What was the cause of death?

Are you certain that she was 19 years old at the time? Was she born circa. 1960?

You say she lied to you about your biological father. What did she tell you about the man? Are you sure that she lied?

I’m guessing that the recent revelation of the man being from Kuwait might be what led you to believe your biological mother lied. Who was the person who told you about the man being from Kuwait (is he close to you? was he close to your biological mother?).

How certain can you be that the man was a Kuwaiti citizen? Kuwait’s a hub for third-culture kids/adults, might it be possible that your source confused “an affair with a man in Kuwait” with “an affair with a Kuwaiti citizen”? or had a similar sort of confusion?

Do you have any idea what the circumstances might have been that led to your mother leaving Louisiana to go to Kuwait – when she was 19 years old?

Did she travel often? A copy of her passport from that time might be useful.

Can you describe what sort of person she might have been back then? Maybe think of a typical high-school clique that could describe her. My guess is that she was more the cheerleader type than the nerdy bookworm type. (again, no offense meant to anyone)

Did she experience any sort of behavioral changes? Was she traumatized from the event? Had she fallen in love with the man? Was she depressed afterwards? Was she depressed before she left? What became of her in the end? Can you describe how her standard of living might have been on average? What was the highest level of education that she attained? Did she work? Also, what was her background like, did she come from a low income earning family? Do you know anything about your maternal grandparents? What sort of work your maternal grandparents might have been involved in?

Can you say how attractive your biological mother might have been to the average person? If it helps, think of what she might have scored then on a scale of 1 to 10, 5 being average looking, 9 being extremely attractive.

Did your adoptive parent(s) ever meet with your biological mother (or even the biological father himself)? They might be able to help gauge her attractiveness and personalities from the time.

Do you have any idea of around how old your biological father was in 1979?

If you are unable to contact your mother’s friend, it might be helpful to look into who this friend was at the time; the friend’s name would be useful.

Additionally, why were you advised not to contact your mother’s friend?

On an irrelevant note, polygamy is legal, to an extent, in Kuwait.

SB – I’ll try to answer your questions.

My original birth certificate is sealed as per the adoption laws in the US. I do not have access to them or my adoption papers.

My bio mothers name was Judith Ann Bordelon.

I was not very close to her. I met her after I turned 18. I met with her a few times and cut ties after she lied to me. She was also just a troubled soul, and I felt it best to distance myself. I am looking into finding photos of her time in Kuwait, and also postcards that she sent to the US.

I don’t know why she was sending gifts home, but was told by a family member that they remember her mailing gold watches and jewelry home. We think it was just to show she was having an eventful life there and was with someone who was taking care of her.

Yes, it is possible she was being paid for “services”. I have no idea why she was really there. Her family thought that she went there with a friend to cut hair. But that was not the case. I have heard that the “friend” was a bad influence.

She passed away in 2007 of a heart attack.

She was definitely 19 in 1979.

She lied to me twice, telling me that my father was two different people. After she passed away, I started looking into things. I found out from a friend of hers who knew her at the time, that she came home from Kuwait pregnant. She didn’t know what to do, and ultimately gave me up for adoption. I don’t know if the man even knew she was pregnant. I have heard from 2 separate people that the man was here in the US at some point, and asked her if the baby was his.

I’m assuming he is an actual “Kuwaiti” because that’s what she told the attorney before I was even born. I’m assuming she thought he was Kuwaiti because he was, or that’s what he told her.

Again, I don’t know “why” she went there. I didn’t know her then, and from what others are telling me I suspect she went to have an adventure and attempt to live a lavish life. She liked Middle Eastern men, and eventually married one a few years after giving me up for adoption.

I know nothing of her behavioral changes or whether or not they fell in love, or any of the specific details of their relationship.

I do know about her family, her parents, etc. I don’t see it as being relevant to my search though. They are all deceased, as well.

At 19, she was attractive, red hair, blue eyes, pale skin.

I was told not to contact the friend because she was bad news, and to not get involved with her.

So that’s basically all I know…

No, because I’d like to know who he was and what the circumstances were surrounding their relationship. If you’re not adopted, you don’t understand the inborn curiosity about where you came from. When you know nothing, you have a need to learn as much as you can.

Someone suggested that I mention that she may have been in Kuwait with the premise to cut hair. That’s what she told her family. Does anyone know if there was a salon in the Sheraton at that time? Or a salon in Kuwait employed by American women at that time?

Hi MT,
I hope you were able to make some headway since the last discussions. Good luck with your search.

It seems she worked as hairdresser at Sheraton and got a free stay at the hotel.
You need to ask senior employees at the hotel. 1979 is only 34 years ago, and she might be remembered.
Best luck!

Hey MT,
If you really want this so badly and willing to work hard for it, honestly? you CAN’T do it by emailing and phone calls here there. I think that your only solution is actually buying a ticket and coming to Kuwait for a few days and start tracking the placing she been to and ask here and there. BUT, don’t get your hopes up. You might not get anything cause it has been SO LONG! But hey, what are going to lose? nothing! Maybe actually more clues and eventually getting to know who your father is and just put in mind that he actually may be died or has a big family now and grandchildren and i’m sure you don’t wanna miss things up for him NOW after 34 years when he actually didn’t know about your mom being pregnant.
If you really really want this chaos, i say GO FOR IT!

Tip: NO EXPECTATIONS.

Best of luck dear.

xx,

MJ

Reminds me of Carrie’s asset who works for that Saudi prince in Showtime’s TV series “Homeland”.
For those not familiar with the show, you should watch Homeland.

Hi Mark – I’ve emailed you an update with pictures of my birth mother. Hoping that posting them will help someone recognize her. Thanks!

Hi same experience here too well i was adopted in the philippine embassy when i was around 8months so i was still in the hands of my birth mother the people who adopted me are filipinos and are very good parents when i just turned 18 they told me everything the truth thats why all these years people would say i dont look filipino they would say i was arab or turkish etc im also trying to find my biological parents my parents said that my birth mom is filipino and my birth dad well they really didnt know they said he was behbehani something iranian something i really dont know… i dont even know where to start? Or how to find them? Or maybe not look for them i dont know but i do feel you that you wanting to find your birth father

I know this is late but I found your post and my heart goes out to you. I know what it feels like to do something like this. There are so many Indians in Kuwait that can even take on an arab traditional name…how? I don’t know and don’t wana. I can recommend you take the dna tribes dna test to determine your true heritage. this test will show you your ethnic pool from both maternal and paternal sides and what your heritage is most likely today. it is very accurate trust me and a very well known company. go to http://www.dnatribes.com and purchase the 26 marker test kit. hopefully this will help you on your quest. who knows you could be part indian(Kuwait)or Bangladesh (Kuwait) hope this helps hun, take care 🙂

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