2:48AM - Entertaining Kuwait since 2003

Winner: talabat.com
Man, do you ever wonder whether you’ve become a misanthrope because of the internet or the internet just feeds your misanthropy? Do you ever wonder what ‘misanthrope’ means? (if so, you’re the reason misanthropes exist).

These days I’m so lazy or unwilling to physically see other humans that not only will I not go to a restaurant to eat, I won’t even pick it up to take home. Not only am I unwilling to pick it up, but I’m also unwilling to get out of my car. Not only am I unwilling to get out of my car, but now, I’m also unwilling to speak to another human on the phone. I exaggerate of course, but not much.

And that’s why, the greatest website/app in the entire middle east is Talabat. Oh heavens, what a convenient little bastard you are. Somehow, some tenacious person convinced various restaurants to outsource online ordering to their website. And I’m sure some had reservations about doing it too. Among my circle of friends, we talk about new restaurants on Talabat as though we had actually been there without having to actually be there. So successful was this enterprise that it had been sold for what we in the FU industry call FU-money. Nary a week goes by without some restaurant relenting and joining this Khaleeji monolith. In my eyes, there is no competitor.

Of course, it’s not without its faults. Namely there are some crap restaurants with crap names and crap descriptions of their food (sandwish anyone?). But these are outweighed by the review section, which I frequently read not for actual reviews from people whose opinions are valuable, but rather for the hilarity of their review.

For example, “The food tastes disgusting and is not what the meal is supposed to taste like. Delivery took too long. Small portions. It just was terrible. 3 stars”. THREE STARS!!! AND THE FOOD WAS DISGUSTING BAHAHAHAHAH.

Or my personal favourite (translated), “the delivery was late. The burgers were cold. Totally unpleasant. 5 stars.” Hilarious.

Runner up: Blink.co.kw
The other day, I wanted to buy Batman Arkham Knight, conveniently checked the price online and conveniently bought it from PSN. THREE DAYS LATER the download finished. Very inconvenient. I could have just gone online and bought it from Blink. And replaced my toaster and bought some cups and wax for the car. But I didn’t, instead I had three days of disappointment, untoasted bread and an unwaxed car.

Shoutout to nespresso.com for having a website so slow, you’d think the server is on the bloody moon.

Winner: talabat.com
Once you get beyond the first page, I think the website looks ugly and outdated. But, there is no denying that Talabat is the most successful online business in Kuwait and they’ve got KD50,000,000 to prove it.

Runner up: Blink.co.kw
The runner up really should be Xcite.com since their website looks a ton better than Blinks and they have much more products. But, I just find Xcite more intimidating to use and I’ve run into the oddest issues with them. Did you know up until a few weeks ago you couldn’t even browse their website from your phone. If you tried to you would get a message forcing you to download their app. They weren’t recommending you to use their app which is a common practice but instead they completely lock you out from their website if you were browsing from your mobile phone. So stupid. Thankfully after I complained about how ridiculous that was, they now allow you to browse their site from your phone. If you’re wondering why I don’t use their app instead, well I used to but then one day when I wanted to buy something I had to create an account which is fine but they started asking me what my nationality was and if I was married or not. I couldn’t tell if those questions were mandatory or not to answer so I just ended up filling all the fields with dummy information and created a fake account to try it out. Turns out the personal questions were not mandatory to answer, but then I ran into another problem. Once you create an account with their app you can’t log out and create another one. So now I permanently get greeted by the app as “Hello Jdjdjd Jdjdjd”. I should probably delete it and reinstall it but I’m just too lazy to do so.

Blink on the other hand, although the website is ugly as shit is actually easier to use and find stuff plus their prices are mostly cheaper in my experience. I think it’s probably easier to use because when you land at the website they ask you which section you want to browse. So if you click on video games you end up in their video game section with all the product highlights and side bar sections being gaming related. On Xcite you have to dig deep for whatever you want. I generally use Blink for two things mainly, buying iTunes cards or buying video games. They seem to have ridiculously good deals every now and then and even when they don’t their prices generally reflect Hawalli prices (ie cheapest market prices) without having to go to Hawalli myself and get it. Convenient.

I bank with two banks in Kuwait personally. I use another 3 or 4 for work. I bitch about them all. People will often tell me, “hey why don’t switch to this bank or that bank?”, not knowing that I probably already use that bank. And that bank sucks. The best thing about banks in Kuwait is that they all smell nice, universally across the board. We have the best smelling banks in the world. But being asked to choose the best bank is like being asked to select a favourite fart. Eye-watering and offensive.

Sometimes people will tell me, and even I’ll find myself thinking, “man banks in London or the US or in Canada blah blah blah…” No no no. Those banks are garbage. Banks everywhere in the world are garbage. American and Canadian banks barely understand there are other countries. And once you explain that there is a place called ‘the rest of the world’ then you have to start explaining to them why their useless 1-800 number is useless.

As far as banks go, the best you can hope for is bukhur at the door and that they don’t block your card when you travel. After that, it doesn’t really matter. Be happy they’re not American banks. Or Greek banks (too soon?).

I use both NBK and Burgan Bank, and I have issues with both. The reason I have two in the first place is so that one covers the other when I travel. I’ve had so many strange issues when traveling I now need to have three different sources of debit and credit cards, the third one being American Express. How badly do my banks suck?

With NBK I’m a Thahabi customer which means I should get “better” service. A few weeks back I get called into my branch and into my personal banking officers room. He starts basically interrogating me, supposedly I transferred a large sum of money abroad to a company called Pershing LLC and it raised a flag with them. He passed me a form to fill which included a ton of personal questions, I told him I wasn’t going to fill it because they already have all my information. My banker told me this was not related to the money transfer and they’re just updating all their customers data. I told him thats bullshit and this was directly related to the money transfer. So he told me to go tell the manager I wasn’t going to fill it, so I did. I went to the manager and told him you guys are interrogating me over a transfer I made and now you want me to fill out this form with all this personal information which you should have already since I’ve been banking with you guys for 15 years. So the manager starts flipping through my files and asks me if I transferred an X amount of money a couple of months back. I right away recognized what that transfer was. I looked at him dumbfounded. Yes I did, I used my NBK brokerage account to transfer more money into it. I told him I don’t know who Pershing LLC is but my guess its a company you guys deal with (I later found out with a quick google it’s their clearing firm). I told him the transfer you’ve been interrogating me about was a transfer to you guys, NBK. I transferred my money to YOU. The manager was like give me five me minutes just to make a few calls and confirm. I told him I’ve already been here for 30 minutes and I’m not going to sit here any longer and they need to get their shit together because this was embarrassing and I walked out.

Burgan Bank on the other hand I had the weirdest issue last month. I launched the Burgan Bank app on my phone and forgot what my password was. Why? Because when they force you to change your password it has to be different than the last 6 passwords I’ve used with them. WTF. That actually makes it less secure not more secure because if I started using my level A password, the second time I’m going to use my level B, then C etc.. until I turn into a complete idiot and start using my name as my password. So I have to keep creating new difficult level A passwords which I’ve never used anywhere else in my life just for Burgan Bank. It’s hard enough to remember the all the passwords I already have so its natural I’m going to forget the special one I had to create just for Burgan Bank. So I clicked on the forget password link and it asked me my secret question and I put in my answer. It was wrong, so I put in another answer. Suddenly the app tells me I’ve put my answer wrong too many times and my account is now blocked and I need to go to their website, printout a form and then take it to a local branch. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I answered my secret question wrong twice (not three times)(and it’s my secret question not even password) and I could no longer access my account from the app, nor can I access it from the website (even though I know my password there) or anywhere else. And then to make it worse, I had to print out a form, fill it up and take it to their branch. I tried to unlock it over the phone by calling the call center which is what I can do with NBK but I was told I needed to print that form and take it to the branch physically. I was surprised they didn’t want me to fax anything or mail them a postcard.

So yeah, these are just two of the most recent problems, I’ve had A LOT more. I hate banks so there will be no winner nor even a runner up for this award.

Winner: The Avenues (anytime before you and your friends show up)
I often amuse myself by thinking of Kuwait in different ages. For example, the technique boys and girls would use to secretly flirt in recent history (BB, bluetooth, throwing your number at another human being, high-risk chase with the intention of shouting at your future wife from your car into her car); but more often, I like to split it up into the Ages of Malls. There was The Age of Fanar, followed by The Age of Sharq, followed by The Age of Marina. The age before Fanar was only darkness but today we’re in The Age of Avenues. And sure, 360 is trying, but meh, who cares? The interesting thing about Avenues is that because of it’s massive size, it kept opening new phases years after the first phase and overcame this…mall-ecular stagnation.

And my goodness, what a goddamn mall it is. It has literally everything you could ever need/want. When people visit Kuwait from the west, I always end up taking them to Avenues. We’ve reduced all of western consumerism and fitted it into this outdoor shopaholic theme park with a roof over it. That’s craziness.

But I’ll be honest with you, I’m a guy who goes to the mall with shit to do. All business. I do it and leave. I don’t do the zombie shuffle like a lethargic dancer in Thriller. In fact, when I’m swiftly moving from one end of the goddamn mall to the other goddamn side, and you and your possé are all dressed thematically the same, standing shoulder to shoulder forming some sort of slow moving linear amoeba, I imagine kicking each one of you off a cliff. You’d probably fall slow just to annoy the bitch out of me.

Which is why I cannot strongly advocate more, going to the mall on a morning. Before people show up. Minimum stabbing risk. Plenty of parking, plenty of room to quickly get errands done and restock of the plenty of supplies I need to keep myself from the public, plenty plenty plenty and what better good do you expect from a mall than plenty of plenty.

Avenues Tip:
Less this (Link)
More this (Link)

Runner up: 360 Mall
How could anyone not like 360 mall? It’s never got traffic on the way there and if you can survive parking somewhere, it has probably the most worthwhile unique places in kuwait (not original unique, but single-location unique). It has some good shops. It has some great restaurants I like eating at. It has a great Nespresso store I drink at for free by acting like i’m going to buy a sleeve or two before feeling guilty and buying a sleeve or two. And it’s close to my friend Aziz Humaidhi’s house. Aziz you scumbag, call me man.

Winner: The Avenues
The winner for this category was an easy one and not because the other malls suck (obviously many do) but because Avenues is so way ahead of everything else. It’s a place I also take tourists even though I personally hate going to malls when I travel. I hate malls everywhere actually, except in Kuwait. What I think really makes Avenues special though is the beautiful Grand Avenues. Like Nima I tend to go to the malls when I need something but I actually enjoy going to Grand Avenues to just walk around and window shop. Occasionally I’ll also sit at Veranda and have tea with a friend while watching the same people go up and down over and over. I don’t like Phase I or II on the other hand, they look like any other mall and I tend to refer to them as the ghetto cuz really thats what they are compared to Grand Avenues. Prestige I don’t even think anyone ever goes there and the old souk area is usually filled by people you never see in the other phases. But thats also what makes Avenues so great, it’s so big and the sections are so different, there is something for everyone. It’s a modern day landmark for Kuwait.

Runner up: Marina Crescent (on a Friday morning when the weather is great)
I love Marina Crescent on Friday mornings, it gets packed with people all outdoor enjoying the beautiful weather and having breakfast. It doesn’t feel like you’re in Kuwait and mostly because we spend all year round avoiding the outdoor weather. The rest of the mall isn’t special, it used to be when they used to open the roofs but now its just bleh.

The recent dust storm covered some highways out in the desert with sand so deep that cars were getting stuck in it.

Vetrina is a new app that was launched just over a week ago and it’s basically a Kuwait instagram shop directory. Since there are a ton of instagram accounts selling products in Kuwait, it makes it difficult to find what you’re looking for especially since there is no proper search feature built into instagram (People shouldn’t really be selling stuff on instagram anyway, they should have an online store but that’s another subject for another day). What Vetrina does is take all these instagram shops and organizes them in categories making it easy to find what you want. It’s pretty cool but one annoying aspect is that none of the products I looked at had their prices listed, instead it just said “Ask For Price”. That automatically kills the impulse buy factor for me.

The app just launched so I’m sure the price issue will probably be resolved further down the line. The app is available for iPhone and Android devices and you can check out their website for more details [Link]

Winner: Good Game
I’ve been seeing a lot of party games at gatherings in recent years. There was Monopoly Deal for a while and then the more entertaining Kuwaiti knockoff. I’m sure a lot of you have heard of Cards Against Humanity, the fart joke of the party game market. Garbage. I seriously can’t stand that game. It’s like watching a compilation of “thats what she said” jokes.

So what better opportunity to tell you about Good Game, a shop in Sanabil Tower specialising in all types of tabletop games. If it has dice, a board, cards, figures or any combination of them, chances are they sell it there. They have an absurd collection of games fillings their walls with varying degrees of difficulty and complexity, they have something for everyone, nerd or non-nerd alike.

The place is great. Everyone who works in the shop has played nearly if not every game and are able to answer questions or recommend a game based what you tell them you like. I love that it became the light to which all nerds in kuwait fluttered. The place is more than a shop, it’s become something more than that. It’s become a community.

Runner up: Orchidaceae
On Mr. Mark’s recommendation, I went to Orchidaceae a few months ago to get flowers for my wife (for my cat to nibble to pieces). It is hidden away in the reinhabited industrial MadMax wasteland that is Shuwaikh. Great design, the staff know their business and they aren’t quick to recommend things they know are impractical. Surprisingly affordable insta-class.

Winner: Good Game
First full disclosure, the owner of Good Game is a really good friend of mine as well as Nima. Actually, the first time I met the owner is when Nima invited me over to play the Game of Thrones board game with him and a couple of other people around two years back (what a complicated board game that was, I still don’t understand it). The owner loves board games, like REALLY loves them which is why he opened up Good Game in the first place. What I love about the shop and the reason I chose it as a winner is the fact that it has become more than just a place where you go and buy stuff. Anyone with money can open a store but what Good Game has done is create a wonderful community. Pass by anytime during the evening and you’ll find a group of guys sitting in the store playing board games, if you pass by on weekends it’s even more packed. The shop has created a space where people into board games can go socialize and pass time. In a place like Kuwait where we’re always looking for something to do, Good Game is a treasure.

Runner up: Pet Zone
If it wasn’t for the community aspect of Good Game I personally would have chosen Pet Zone as the winner. We really are lucky to have a pet shop this huge here in Kuwait especially considering dogs aren’t really loved over here. If you have a pet and you’ve never been to Pet Zone in Shuwaikh then please make sure you do.

Location: Good Game is located in Al-Sanabil Tower in Sharq, on Mezzanine 2. Here is the location on [Google Maps]

I managed to get a hold of some new renderings of Avenues Phase 4 from the marketing department at Avenues as well as a map to help visualize where everything will be located.

You can download the hires version of two maps [Here] and [Here]

I’ve already posted some renderings before but they sent me new ones I hadn’t seen before so I’m sharing them all below along with a little snippet of information which they had emailed me. Based on the map it looks Avenues will be around 20% larger than it’s current state once the final phase is completed.

Avenues Phase IV includes expansions of existing districts that have been highly popular with visitors, including Prestige, Grand Avenue and The Souk. New districts with modern and diverse concepts will also be included to build on the shopping and entertainment experience. The new districts include Arcadia, The Grand Plaza, The Forum, Electra and The Cinema, as well as a five star hotel and another four star hotel.

Some minor tidbits before I proceed with the awards. Firstly you’ll notice I changed the name of the awards. The reason for that is I realized we don’t actually have a proper awards ceremony in Kuwait so I figured I should take this a bit more seriously since it could be a great opportunity for something bigger. I don’t find the compliment “It doesn’t feel like Kuwait” offensive, I find it real and most importantly humorous which is what I loved about it in the first place.

The second change that is taking place is the fact at the end of every winners post, you will now have a chance to vote for your favorite place. I will gather up all the answers and once all this is done I will share the “people’s choice” winners. At the very least we’ll have an idea of what everyones favorite place is. So without further delay we are going to start off with the Best Coffee Shop award today.

Winner: VOL.1
You know I never really drank coffee. It makes my pee smelly funny. Not haha funny but you know…odd…

But the missus bought an espresso machine and now my pee smells funny all the time. Since then, as luck would have it, Vol.1 opened.

Vol.1 is one of a few local gems that I cannot champion enough. It’s an entirely locally owned and operated coffeehouse that roasts its own beans. It’s a part of what I hope is a growing trend of small, conceptually solid places that have tremendous confidence in their product and don’t stoop to dilute themselves by offering something for everyone. This is a coffeeshop, pure and simple. It sells some of the best coffee in Kuwait. The setting is a vaguely familiar with its diwaniya-style with seating along its walls but the concrete and industrially-styled design makes me think, “wow…chinna berooklyn”. But without any hipsters. Everyone’s a winner.
Tip: It’s summer. Grab a cold one.

Runner up: CAFFEINE
This is another hidden away gem in apparently up-and-coming south mubarakiya (some call it SoMu)(please don’t call it SoMu). The owner and proprietor is a sweetie and his brew’s delicious. Try whatever espresso and ice cream dessert he gave me that was so good I forgot the name.

Winner: VOL.1
Unlike Nima, I don’t drink coffee, I’ve always been a tea person. But I still love VOL.1 and I’ve been going there ever since they opened. All my friends love their coffee and I generally tag along with them whenever they head to Vol.1 just because the atmosphere over there is so cool. With the loud music playing and all the guys and girls coming in and out it’s become one of the most trendiest places in Kuwait. I personally love the treats they sell and they’re pretty healthy which is a big bonus. VOL.1 is also a successful local concept that’s competing in a field dominated by big brand franchises. That’s not an accomplishment that should be taken lightly.

Runner up: Masaha 13
For my runner up I’m going to go with Masaha 13. As a place to go have coffee it’s a different style completely from Vol.1. I would generally go to Masaha 13 for business meetings or to chill with a friend or two quietly. It’s a very cozy atmosphere and I love that about the place. They also have a large space upstairs where they hold different events and exhibitions and I think thats what makes them even more special.

Location: VOL.1 is located in Kuwait City on Mubark Al Kabeer Street in the same building as Almakan. They’re not open all day so check their instagram @vol_1kuwait for timings. Here is the location on [Google Maps]

Kuwaiti line umpire Aseel Shaheen admits she is living a dream after she got selected to be part of the officiating staff at the All England Club.

Dressed in a blue pinstripe shirt and beige pants – the uniform for all officials here at Wimbledon – the hijab-wearing Shaheen quickly stands out.

London may be swarming with veiled Arabs, especially in the summer, but the sight of a woman in a headscarf in tennis circles is definitely not common.

“It’s an indescribable feeling being here. It’s something big, it’s a challenge. I’m the first female from the Arab world to be an umpire at Wimbledon. I was worried that they wouldn’t accept me because I wear a hijab but on the contrary, they really accepted me,” Shaheen told Sport360° at the All England Club.

Another fantastic accomplishment to add to the list for Kuwaiti women. [Link]

Thanks Nibaq

In a move that will make privacy advocates cringe, Kuwait passed a law yesterday making DNA tests mandatory for all residents. According to the AFP, people who refuse testing will face a year in prison and a hefty fine.

The draconian law will establish a comprehensive database of all residents in Kuwait, presumably making it easier for law enforcement to track down criminals after the fact. The country’s 1.3 million citizens and 2.9 million foreign residents will all be affected. Roughly $400 million has been set aside to implement the national DNA database program.

Many countries, including England, Sweden and the United States, routinely store the DNA of convicted criminals. Kuwait’s program would be the first such mandatory DNA test for every resident of a given country, regardless of criminal history. [Gizmodo]

Not sure how I feel about this. Don’t think I’m allowed to have feelings on this anyway, it’s compulsory so if I don’t like it I’ll have to GTFO or else I’ll have to spend a year in jail.

Last year I was contemplating what to get Nima (a close friend of mine) for his birthday when I decided to give him a 24 hour pass to post whatever he wanted on the blog. He’s always critical of what I write so I was like here, take my blog and see if you can do a better job. He took the pass and started thinking of various ways he could use the blog, maybe even turn it into one of his art projects.

Months after I gave him the pass we were sitting down and I asked him what ideas he had come up with and after sharing some with me one stood out. He was joking around about how he wanted to give a “Chinnah Mo Kuwait” award to a place that made you feel like you weren’t in Kuwait. “Chinnah Mo Kuwait” translates to “It doesn’t feel like Kuwait” and I thought that was actually a brilliant idea. It’s the best compliment you can give a place in Kuwait so, instead of just a 24 hour pass, I told him we should expand this idea and turn it into a proper awards with different categories and different winners. Now this is the plan, starting next week both Nima and I will be announcing winners for the following categories and in the following order:

Best Coffee Shop
Best Local Store
Best Shopping Mall
Best Bank
Best Hospital
Best Fitness Center
Best Art Gallery
Best Cinema
Best Internet Provider
Best Customer Service
Best Leisure
Best Restaurant

I won’t be editing Nima’s opinions nor censoring them. So if you have any complaints with his writing then direct it to him. Without further ado, here is Nima:

————————–

“It doesn’t feel like Kuwait”

The aspiration of anyone with means. To build a house, garden, restaurant that filter out the elements of the everyday ‘struggle’ of being here. Our mutual disdain for the loud, hot, smelly, smoggy, honk-happy traffic. To filter-out loud and obnoxious riffraff. To trip-up the loud screaming children who insist on playing football with anything remotely shaped like a ball and foot. This, my dear loathsome friends is the highest compliment we can offer.

Oh, shut up, don’t act so incredulous. You’ve said it too. Maybe you were at your grandfather’s farm or a friends chalet. And they’ve spent considerable effort to build walls up to block out the sounds of the road, mere meters away and traffic mere centimetres apart. They lined the walls with trees and bushes to block out the…lets say…overly enthusiastic sun. They’ve hired gardeners and maybe an agricultural engineer to keep the plants from incinerating. And you refuse to pay him the greatest complement in this countries vernacular?? I think not. This is so nice, it doesn’t feel like you’re in Kuwait. Chinnah Barees.

That is why we, the custodians of current events in Kuwait feel it is high time to pay the ultimate respects to the gems of this country we all call home. Here’s to that extra effort people put to be not half-assed. We are a full-assed people. Here’s to the complete package!

– Nima

Update: I’ve made some changes to the awards, for details click [Here]

When I was in London back in February I passed by the Tate to check out some of the exhibits. One of the exhibitions that was taking place there was called “Conflict, Time, Photography”. I didn’t end up seeing this exhibition since it turned out I had to get a ticket and to do that I needed to go back down to the ground floor. Problem was the escalators weren’t working that day and I had already walked up like 4 or 5 floors so really didn’t feel like going back down and up again. Anyway I basically missed out on that exhibition and now I found out Kuwait played a role in it.

The French photographer Sophie Ristelhueber exhibited her photos of Kuwait at that exhibit. Sophie traveled to Kuwait in 1991 soon after the end of the first Gulf War and took photographs of the ravaged desert. She later published 71 photos in a book called “Fait” (Fact in English) and those photos were displayed at Tate. I found the video above in which Sophie discusses the photos and in which you can get a glimpse of the photos. The exhibition ended back in March. [YouTube]

Not much information on this residential building but from the renderings and the bit of information that is available, it looks like we’re finally getting a decent looking high-rise residential tower. [Link]

Thanks ChaoticTranquility

Mujawharaty is a new website where you can buy jewelry. I don’t have any interest in jewelry but I’m just glad people are launching ecommerce websites and not just trying to sell stuff on instagram. The website is still under development because there are a few sections not working but there are a ton of items on there already if you just wanna browse. [Link]

Also, there’s a new online electronics store that just launched called Beraven (and they also just started advertising on my blog). You can check out their website [Here]